My husband and I got engaged after six weeks of dating. Some might find that fast but we had known each other for ages; almost a full eight months. I won’t deny that there were more than a few who took bets on whether we would last. That was over 25 years ago, so we haven’t done too badly. Of course, that could all change next week.
We are going on a canoe trip. Not a trip where you bring the canoe and store it on the deck of the beautiful cabin that you have rented for a week. No, that would be lovely and divine. We are going to do the Bowron Lakes Canoe Circuit. This is 116 km of lakes and almost 11 km of portages. We have to carry our gear, our food and there are rules. No tetra packs, no glass, no bottles, no plastic and as a holiday souvenir, we get to pack our garbage out with us. Yes, we have paid to do this trip.
Wayne used to guide multi day canoe trips. He is not concerned and as such, hasn’t done much to prepare. He just knew that this was a trip that he has always wanted to do so he booked us. He hasn’t researched the trip, hasn’t made a colour coded spreadsheet, planned meals or anything. We leave Monday and it’s only Saturday so he feels he has time.
I started to panic about three weeks ago. My biggest worry is about the canoeing. I actually don’t like canoeing. This could be problematic. It’s seven days in a canoe and six nights on a thermarest and it looks like it will be cold. I don’t think I am keen on a trip where I have to pack a wool hat so I will be warm at night. I am trying to remember at what point during the pandemic did I agree to this? Was it a moment of day drinking or a moment when I had been reading about courage, bravery and trying new things. I’m guessing, like ordering pigs, I might have been one glass in.
Once you start telling people you are doing the Bowron Lakes trip, it seems like everyone who looks fab in gortex comes out of the woodwork and starts getting excited and asking questions like “have you started dehydrating your food?” Dehydrating food? WHOA. I barely think about dinner until 6pm each night and now I find out I should have started dehydrating food weeks ago? I feel concerned.
I have spent most of my time trying to figure out how to pack so that I can stay warm and possibly comfortable. I was hoping Wayne would give me some insight on menus, gear needs and otherwise. “Hope keeps the agony alive“. No advice is coming. He’s fine showing up with power bars and a hammock. He’s suggesting that I stop worrying. “It’s going to be fine, everything is going to work out”. He looks at me like I don’t trust him. I look back at him and wonder if this is a good time to remind him that at one point in our marriage he seriously suggested that I put my office in a tree house or the time that I was seven months pregnant and he built me an outhouse instead of hooking up the plumbing before he went off guiding again. Trust him? I see where eight weeks of dating could have come in handy.
Recognizing that Wayne is not going to help fill in the spread sheets, I started to do my own research. “If you are a beginner canoeist and looking at doing the Bowron Lakes, it is a good idea to do some training prior to your trip“. By “prior”, I am wondering if Sunday morning is enough time? We leave Monday.
Here is my summary. I have no dehydrated food, no training and I have finally admitted out loud that I am not super keen on canoeing. Also, there is no plastic allowed on the trip so I have to come up with plan B for the boxed wine.
Acknowledging some of the deficiencies in my planning, I am spending today getting organized. I might have missed the window to train and dehydrate but I can start to vacuum seal pre-made meals and put them into labeled zipocks. This feels organized. I have printed off maps, laid out a suggested route, highlighted important things to note like the trip starts with a 2.5 km portage and at what point we are going to have to “run the rapids”. I have also stockpiled jelly beans. I am almost 100% sure that no amount of planning can keep up with Wayne Sim’s philosophy of “free flow” so I am planning ahead. If we are lost after three weeks, I will survive as I am not sharing my jelly beans. Free flow be damned.
When I fell in love with Wayne, I knew it to be true. People talk about a “thunderbolt” and that’s what happened to me. I kept shaking my head and thinking “No way. This is far too fast. This cannot be happening“. But it did. When he proposed, he promised that I would never be cold and I would never be hungry. He reminded me this week of his promises. In hindsight, I could have asked for a few more things but it sounded romantic at the time.
I think Wayne is holding onto the romance of this trip. He loves an outdoor challenge. Just last week-end he went up into the mountains with both our boys. Wayne threw up a tarp and slept on the ground. When it got to below zero, it was chilly. The boys have more of me in them, they brought a tent. Wayne is happy when he gets to test himself against the elements. He likes that sort of thing. He embraces a challenge, I tend to turn the other way and look for the safe and well marked EXIT door. He is over the moon that we are doing this trip as a family. He sees himself portaging the canoe on his shoulders and braving the rapids while starting a fire by rubbing two stones together. I see myself holding my phone up looking for a wifi signal.
I think I am nervous because it’s a challenge and I don’t know what to expect. I think that’s a good thing. I think that over the past twenty five years of building a life with Wayne, I have been following a script of what I “should” be doing and I got complacent.
Life kind of wore me out and the romance of the adventure faded. I have a sense of weariness and as such, I searched for the road that was totally traveled. I have been busy living a life with my check lists and I think Wayne’s intention of this trip is to get me out of “planning” and back into “living”. Good point Wayne. I think I need a disconnect to re-connect.
In the last few years, Wayne and I have been pulling a rope in different directions. I have been pulling towards safe and serene while Wayne is using the rope to swing into the lake.
I am doing this trip because I want a rope swing. I have followed the path of “doing the right thing” and as a result, I don’t even own rain pants because somewhere along the line, I stopped adventuring in place of making spread sheets. I am wondering what it might be like to have an adventure that comes without directions? To free flow and not get hung up on the details when things don’t go as planned? I have been feeling a bit bruised in what I saw as falling and failing but maybe I just need a new perspective? What if I became a little more flexible?
I don’t know how this is going to work out but I am going to try. For “better or worse” has carried me through over 25 years. I just need that philosophy to hold true for just one week in a canoe. “Arrive alive” is the goal as I know there will be moments when I might want to leave Wayne at the bottom of the lake. I’m pretty sure with all my planning anxiety, Wayne has contemplated leaving me at home. He also feels it might be safer if he packs the axe. Good plan.
I will keep you posted on how it works out. As of today, I’m going with an attitude of adventure and a desire to go with the flow. Who knows, I might even share my jelly beans.
Here’s to having the courage to be brave and try new things!
Love,
Shelley
And Then I Jumped...... 