Lately, a number of people have been asking me “how do you stay so fit at 50?” Great question, except that no one has asked me that. Ever. Maybe one day someone will ask me how I stay so fit but first I would actually have to get fit.
I’m trying but I seem to have lost interest.
I’ve turned into one of those people who are very keen to start a 14 day challenge. I work really hard and I stay super focused. It’s just that if I don’t see results by day two, I wonder what’s the point?
I want to feel motivated but life gets complicated and things happen that get in the way. Take Tuesday. I was heading to the gym (the living room) but by the time I found my shoes, water bottle and procrastinated over “what workout to do“, I was running late for my next appointment. Property Brothers starts at noon and I don’t like to miss them.
If you need new excuses for anything in your life, just call me. I can help.
I used to go to the gym. Since COVID, I’ve had to move to online and have been desperately seeking a fitness program what would keep me engaged and somewhat energized. The “21 Day Fix” sounded perfect, I have plenty to “fix”. It was a little over my usual attention span but I was game and I faithfully followed the program. This was a big commitment for me and in exchange, I was looking forward to being able to do up the top button on my jeans again. Clearly I missed the fine print. It’s exercise AND diet. Seriously? This is becoming complicated. Exercising is one thing but learning how to meal plan with a calculator and color coded containers designed for portion control is out of my comfort zone. I prefer containers that come with a spout.
Finding happiness in a fitness program feels a lot like dating and I’ve been doing a great deal of “swipe left”. I tried military boot camps but got tired of the constant “HARD CORE” call out. I moved to the insanity of fast and furious HIIT segments while the male instructor strutted across the screen with his shirt off, six pack sweating and shouting “DIG! DIG DEEPER!” – “HARDER! YOU’VE GOT TO PUSH HARDER!” I put up with the intensity for three weeks and then had to swipe left. I have three children and have been married for 26 years, I can attest that yelling has never been a positive motivator.
I moved on to gals with glittery gold pants. The music was good but most of the exercises seemed better suited for people who were trying out for the circus. I don’t do the “lightening bolt“. My legs do not flip up in the air and SNAP with power. I am more likely to fall on my head and get a concussion. Also, is it my imagination or does putting your hair in a pony tail automatically make you athletic? I’m just asking because I have short hair and maybe that’s my problem.
I rotated through more programs and couldn’t find my fit. I also started to wonder why the “modifier” was always a woman and at least twenty pounds heavier than the rest of the team?
“If you need to modify, follow Wendy. Wendy, is our modifier. See how Wendy is just moving her feet and not running like the rest of us? How are you doing Wendy?” “You doing ok?”
I hope Wendy is getting paid a great deal of money. Maybe I should apply as a “modifier”? I feel qualified.
I’ve been a bit harsh with my judgements but really, when the fresh faced 21 year old looks deep into the camera and says say “hold in your core“, I have to remind her that I am. What she is referring to is my wiggly bits called flab. It is the “flab” that is not listening to the instructions. Don’t get mad at my core. And as for “raising my shoulders“. They are raised. Look closer, you skinny little thing, and call me when you’ve hit 50. More swipe lefts.
My newest date is with Heather Robertson. I love her and I love her workouts. She is “tough without fluff“. Fantastic. And the best part? She doesn’t talk. No nitter natter, just great music. The workouts are hard but only 30 minutes. They are also broken down into segments and there is a little timer in the corner of the screen that tells me how long I have to endure before “rest”. I like timers almost as much as I like “rest”. I also like the little bell that rings when the segment is over and and the three beeps that warn me to get my ass off the ground and start again. Lastly, I like her because her confessed guilty pleasures include red wine and chocolate. Swipe right for the match.
I am hoping that this new match might motivate some significant change in my life. My COVID anniversary is coming up on March 17th and I’m feeling a bit anxious. This is the milestone marker that symbolizes one year of the “before” and “after”. I find myself wondering what did I do with this past year? What did I do with the new found time that I felt and said that I never had? What’s different? What’s better? What’s worse and what’s changed?
Here’s the truth. I’m not sure anything has changed and that’s a bit depressing. It’s almost one year later and I am still using my living room as my gym, we’re still being asked to stay at home and this infamous “curve” is still not crushed. It’s been a year; a very long year and I don’t think I’ve moved. My “before” picture is also my “after” photo. I think I am Wendy the Modifier. Moving my feet but going nowhere fast.
Maybe it’s winter. And even more than that, it’s COVID and the restrictions that continue to keep us confined. I feel like I am living in a fish bowl and swimming in circles.
Surely a year is long enough? And yet, the soft print news hints that our current state might continue on for months. Where is Heather? I need the timer. How much longer is this segment and when can we rest?
I hear it everywhere “I am so done with COVID!” Yes, me too. The fatigue is real. I wish I could describe it. I feel like I’m holding my breath every minute of every day in fear of doing something wrong. Everything gets tight and rigid. “Is my mask on, did I remember my mask, where’s my hand sanitizer, is this far enough away, I didn’t see the arrow and now I’m going down the aisle the wrong way…..” I know. It’s just little things, like adding just a few extras to the backpack….. eventually it gets heavy and difficult to carry.
ZOOM was helpful for a while. I liked ZOOM. I’m now done with ZOOM. “Can you hear me? Can you see me? You froze, what did you say?” ZOOM is a metaphor for what is happening in life. I can hear you, I can see you but everything is frozen.
It is not ok to put hands up against a glass and call it connection. It is torment. I wish the fish bowl would break, I wish we could join as the ocean.
I miss social so much that I could sometimes cry. Why am I making excuses about not wanting to exercise? It’s because it’s hard enough getting motivated to live each day let alone jump up and down.
Jane E. Brody wrote a piece in the New York Times and said, “social isolation is on a par with high blood pressure, obesity, lack of exercise or smoking as a risk factor for illness and early death.”
Not exactly inspiring. The good news is that at least she didn’t mention red wine…..
It’s been a year. Did I do anything? Did anything change? I cleaned my fridge, washed my walls, raised chickens, bought pigs, grew a garden and survived a canoe trip with my husband and family and looked over the edge of failure and didn’t fall off.
It’s been a year; four seasons of change. I am impatient for winter to be done. I look forward to seeing that first small sprig that fights to the surface, breaks through the frost and triumphantly arrives with confidence and blooms.
I am Wendy. I am the modifier but I will dig deeper and push harder. I will keep moving my feet, I will exercise patience. I will swim in the bowl knowing the ocean is close.
With love,
Shelley
And Then I Jumped...... 