I started 2025 with the wonder of “now what?”. So much of my landscape had changed and I was needing to figure out what direction was next. Never having been particularly strong at map reading or directions, this question was quite daunting for me. It wasn’t just “now what”, it was “where to?”.
My typical January tends to land me in the world of social media. The algorithms are real. I remember when I signed up for NOOM. Great concept but I found myself lying to the bot when I counted wine as a fruit.
This years algorithm found me wondering about the validity of wall pilates in just twenty minutes a day. I love a deal that sucks me in for the low cost introductory offer with the promise of the miracle. I have learned from past mistakes. This time I vowed to be committed and be honest.
I was a little miffed that at the end of the profile questions, I was deemed a beginner. I guess it’s true. AI does know best because those twenty minutes were HARD and I dare not imagine what intermediate or advanced entailed. Who can honestly get their legs around their head and live to tell about it? Not me. How those small moves can find dormant muscles is one of life’s great mysteries but I persevered. I embraced the thirty day challenge and was excited to show off my new results. OK. Not quite the poster child that they advertised but incremental adjustments. Instead of featuring abs that look like a jelly donut, I am now the proud owner of abs that look like a lumpy mattress. Progress.
Since my new subscription wasn’t providing immediate success, I thought a new wardrobe update might be helpful to the process of “new me”. Next to the algorithm feed of women pulsating on a wall, the other images were of “how to dress for over 50”. This seemed promising and yes, I fell for yet another enticement called TEMU.
My first clue should have been that all the models had long blond hair and were featuring tops that looked super cute with cut off jean shorts. I do not have long blond hair and nor do I look cute in cut off jeans. Hope keeps the agony alive. The promise of svelte new undergarments also seemed like an excellent impulse purchase until they weren’t.
Those fabulous new tops I bought? They aren’t perfect now but they will be when I turn 80 and find myself on a bus tour to Reno with 40 other senior citizens. The svelte undergarments? Likely best used as an emergency parachute should I be on a flight and need one.
If the rest of 2025 is like this, I might as well sign up for the bus tour early and hope for better luck in Reno. I am finding life transitions to be difficult.
When we have children, we expect them to leave but what I didn’t expect to feel was a feeling of loss. Sure, people tell you how it might feel but until it happens, it doesn’t feel real. I thought I knew the mission: “Help launch children into the world without doing jail time”. That last bit was for me.
Our dining room table was always full so was the car as we loaded up equipment, other friends and schlepped all over the map for various sports and activities. Our days had constant movement and a splash of frenzy and I thought I might look forward to the peace of of an empty nest. Not so much. It’s kind of lonely.
The nest is empty as the three kids have also flown but what else is empty is the dining room table, the bedrooms and even the fridge. I can’t remember the last time I had to buy milk. And while never having to wait in line for the loo is still a joy, it’s bittersweet. Something has to change because there is a good chance that if new directions aren’t quickly found, Wayne and I are going to end up eating dinner on TV tables while watching the news and complaining about the weather. God help me, we are inching our way to buying tickets on that damn bus tour to Reno if we aren’t careful.
So what happened? Life scattered. The kids scattered as they went in search of their own hopes and dreams. The people that I sat with every weekend for the past 15 years as we cheered for our kids fell away. What connected us is no more. The chapter came to a close.
Change is bound to happen.
I’m not used to deciding what I want to do. It’s a little uncomfortable putting myself in the centre of the story and choosing my own adventures.
The “scattering” happens in response to the flow of life’s rhythms and I kept trying to hear the music even though the band I had stopped playing. This is symbolic for friendships, careers, projects and more. Relationships all come with their own timeline and I think the secret is to know when there comes a time to find a new beat. If only I knew how to dance.
Here is what is also true. With all the noise of a full house, I didn’t have to dance to my own tune because I was always distracted. The distractions were the perfect excuse for why I wasn’t achieving personal goals. I fell into bad habits and used my chaotic family schedule as my cover. Now that the nest is empty, so are my excuses.
My 2025 needs to be about writing my chapter and achieving things that are important to me. I can buy as many apps as I want but to set new directions is going to require me being the change. Change requires steady commitment and being honest at what I am not willing to do. As much as I would love to believe that I will enjoy green protein shakes each day, I am not going to make them. Telling myself the truth is maybe a good first step.
I did do the 30 challenge of clinging to the wall and was duped by the promise of significant change. I wanted to hit the EASY button and not give up cookies for breakfast. This is indicative of many of my goals, wanting it to be easy and not doing the harder work.
What has been helpful is the mantra of my app “progress not perfection“. This has been golden. Each day, I work a little harder. It’s slow but there is change. Some days are great and other days, well, not so great. Overall, I am moving forward more than I am falling backwards.
I also look around at the people in my life who provide incredible inspiration. Friends who have embraced their next chapters with enthusiasm. My friend Amy who took classes to become a master gardener or my friend Marnie who is looking to do her Masters. My friend Shauna who is going to produce her first film. There are friends that have left relationships to achieve new directions and friends that have left the work force to reset and start fresh or walk the Camino Trail in search of becoming more centered or friends that wrote a book to tell their story. They are doing it, one step at a time and it’s pretty awesome.
I have goals and they seem so easy but I’m not reaching them and it’s because I want to get there without putting in the steps or as Mel Robbins says, “you need to do the reps”. I looked for short cuts. When my life was busy with kids, short cuts were necessary but that’s not my reality anymore. I have the time to do the work and have to change my mindset to actually do the work. No more excuses and I was really good at excuses.
Progress and not perfection is my new mantra for 2025. I am not successful each day but each day I am working to be better than I was yesterday. I wanted perfection but it turns out that perfection didn’t match my reality. I like cookies for breakfast but maybe I could just have one after dinner. Perfection was going “all in” at a pace that I wasn’t ready for. I am regrouping. It requires honesty and a slower pace. I need to modify behaviors to get to the point of significant change and this seems more manageable. Even my goals for the year are bite size. I have grown weary of bearing the medal of “failure” because I was to impatient to put in the time. Progress is something I can manage and build on. Bit by bit, the fly wheel begins to turn.
My 2025 is about change and adaptation. What do I really want and what will that take? My nest is empty which means I have space to fill and I want to be more deliberate with my choices and perhaps kinder to my failings. Change is not easy and for me, it is taking time.
I do like my wall pilates. I like working muscles I have ignored for decades. I like the pace and I like finding the workouts to be more mindful than punishing. I like reading more and I like the blank slate. What do I want to fill my time with? It’s not as easy as I thought but its getting better. Change is a long conversation and I have years of patterns than need to be redirected. My reality is not the same and my mission has changed. I have an empty nest and I can fill it with people I choose, goals that are important me to and with experiences that I never got the chance to pursue. It’s awkward as heck. It feels selfish but when I think about those that inspire me, maybe it’s not. Maybe doing things we love to do is just a way to express gratitude for life. I look at how much I learn from those that are expanding their interests and seeing their fulfillment.
I would be remiss if I didn’t include a small plug for one other catalyst in my life. I have been the Queen of Control and spent a great deal of time exerting control and dare I say, offering unwanted opinion and influence. As part of my 2025 quest for new directions, I love Mel Robbins book “Let Them“. You have probably seen it on multiple social streams and I can attest, it is everything it says it is and more. “Let Them” is a game changer for me. I can “let them” and in turn, I can “let me“. I don’t have to be attached to opinions, drama and any judgement and because of that, the world seems to flow without stress for me. Just saying “let them” releases so much pressure and gives way to new found freedom.
So, maybe TEMU was a fail but “progress not perfection” has been the wind to my sails. I find it easier to enjoy people and experiences for what they are and that includes me. Change is slow and incremental but that leisurely pace has invoked more gratitude and appreciation. I like having space to be more thoughtful about the next destination and thinking about new hobbies and interests. The fierce pace that was required isn’t needed anymore and while having empty space is uncomfortable, it’s just part of transition and finding more joy.
Here’s to 2025 and new paths that give way to inspiration of “where to”. It’s never too late to follow our dreams. Progress, not perfection with a dash of kindness to ourselves. We’ll get there. I know we will.
With love,
Shelley
And Then I Jumped...... 