Invading France and When To Stop Watering Dead Plants…. Bring on 2024!

It’s 2024. Like many, I was hoping that with the turn of the calendar there would come change and a fresh start. Like something you could order off Amazon and have delivered. “Hope keeps the agony alive”. 

In preparation for the New Year and my hopes of what is to come, I bought a new dress to wear for a New Years party. A simple, classic black Calvin Klein dress that was perfectly balanced between a timeless fit and enough “give” that I didn’t have to hold my breath all night. At least that is how it fit in the dressing room. But that was November.

I tried the dress on again just before December 31st. Isn’t there a rule that chocolate doesn’t have calories over Christmas? Clearly a lie. My beautiful black dress just became yoga pants that fit too tight. Nothing like ringing in the new year looking like a squished donut with all the glazed jelly oozing out.  If anyone had any questions about my New Years resolution, my dress spoke for itself. 

I was not going to this party looking like a donut. I wouldn’t even dress up for Halloween as a donut so starting 2024 looking like a carbohydrate with icing was not an option and the clock was ticking. The quick fix was control top nylons but they only controlled part of the problem making everything else bulge. This was a 911 emergency requiring professional help.

My town is small and this was a big city problem. I drove 90 minutes and found a store that specializes in getting things to fit. I walked in and was immediately immersed in a land of silk and satin where every row felt like a rainbow. There were endless selections of brightly coloured under garments in every shape and size. Who knew there were this many choices in the world? Didn’t we all just shop at Costco and use “small, medium and large” to guide us?  

There was no way I was going to navigate this new world by myself and I immediately asked the gorgeous young gal with the fabulous eyebrows behind the counter for help. “I need to buy something to keep my bits in place to make my dress fit again.” She laughed and brought me to the back of the store. Luxurious silk and satin faded away and we walked up the stairs to a new section that was not nearly as bright or fun. I can see why this section was at the back of the store and not visible from the main floor. Featuring items of torture is likely not the best way to merchandise.  Everything looked uncomfortable and OMG, so boring! NUDE! Everything was “NUDE”. Is “nude” even a colour? I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure that Crayola discontinued this shade in the 90’s. I know why. It sucked and so did my choices and call calling it “shapewear” doesn’t make it any better. I don’t do yoga in my yoga pants either so I wasn’t fooled by the words.   

I almost walked out but vanity got the best of me. I faced the wall and chose a body condom that would best squish my squash and likely cause me to either pass out or die due to low oxygen levels. 

When I say a body condom, I am serious. It rolled on and yes, it smoothed out the wrinkles but there was not a single space left to allow for a pair of nylons. How do you go to a new years party with bare legs and it’s snowing outside? My helpful young sales person held up a new item.  It turns out that the answer is “stay up nylons”. What is this world and where is the exit door? It was all just too much.

When she asked if I wanted to try any of it on, I looked at her like she was on glue. Try it on? In a store? What if I couldn’t get out of it and she had to call the fire department? No. If I had to suffer the indignity of slow asphyxiation or the inability to get out of the condom, I needed to be in the safety of my own house where my husband could cut me free if needed. I acknowledge there is some risk in that theory as there are some days when he might be tempted to just leave me trapped and pretend he couldn’t hear my call for help but I was willing to risk it.

It worked out. Yes, I felt like a squeezed tube of toothpaste but the dress fit and the “stay ups” stayed. I just felt a bit like an imposter pretending to fit something that really didn’t. 

As I was getting ready for the New Year and trying to put mascara on without my reading glasses, I found myself asking, “what am I trying to still fit into that really just doesn’t fit anymore?” 

And it’s not just “what” doesn’t fit, there was also contemplation about “who” doesn’t fit. For 2024, I am doing a full wardrobe change and while I will keep some treasured things, I know I need to purge.

What have I outgrown that I can let go? This includes perceptions, unrealistic goals and ambitions and even some habits and expectations. I want to stop making compromises, berating myself for a million things that don’t matter and I want to stop apologizing ALL THE TIME as well as saying “yes” when I really want to say “no”. 

I also want to stop mourning the loss of a friendship. When they broke up with me, they broke my heart and I was sure it was “me”. I know that there are parts of me that can be irritating and ask too many questions or come with too much intensity. I have spent these past few years dissecting myself and trying to “improve” so that I can once again fit the friendship. I wore a body condom to “fit” a dress and for one night it was fine but for 2024, I don’t want to squish myself to fit into someone else’s expectations. Maybe I “look” good but it sure doesn’t feel good. 

When the clock struck midnight and everyone cheered, I admit that I cried. I was so glad to see the end of 2023. I didn’t love last year. It was hard and I was immensely grateful that it was over. Maybe nothing really changes as the clock strikes midnight but there is something symbolic about a fresh start that comes with a new year. I am hopeful that 2024 will be different but for it to be different, I know that I need to make some changes. 

Embracing change is going to be my theme song for 2024. This year our youngest will graduate and we will have an empty nest. I think I have admitted this in the past that I have hidden behind my responsibilities.  Using “responsibility” as my shield seemed reasonable and far more grown up than saying “I’m too scared to try” or worse, “I’m actually too lazy to change”. Being “responsible” and “busy” are excellent wardrobe staples and perfect excuses. 

Until now. 

I have run out of excuses. I am standing on the high diving board and not wanting to jump. Frozen in one spot. What if I don’t really want what I say want? If I really wanted to do or be something, why can’t I make the jump? What if I start on the path and run into wolves and they attack me or the chocolate cake needs my attention before breakfast and the new Netflix series will feel abandoned if I go for a run? Yes, I can see that a good goal might be to have better excuses. 

I’m worried that I won’t have the will power to do what I say I want to do and it is is easier to sit and “wish” for something rather than take the risk of not being successful. I can always fit yoga pants, do I need to fit my dress?  What if what I want to do is something I am terrible at? I know…. do it anyway if it brings you joy. Fair comment but it sucks to suck. Just saying.

And then there is the way that I look at things. I have a critical eye. Ask me anything about myself and I super critical. I am a bit exhausted with my criticisms. That nasty voice that sits on my shoulder and points out that I wouldn’t need a body condom if I would just give up carbs, eat 30 grams of protein for breakfast, learn to like cottage cheese and take up wall pilates after a 10 km run. I think the critic is definitely destined for the purge pile. What if I like the things that I have in my life because they are enjoyable and what needs to change is how I see things and myself? Those compliments I dismiss? Maybe I should start listening to them….

My new “go to gal” is Mel Robbins and she has a fantastic podcast (www.melrobbins.com). You might recognize her name as she wrote the book the Five Second Rule. I really like her. She is in her mid 50’s and speaks honestly about what it was like to be broke, broken and then rise. I’m a sucker for a good inspirational story. She started her podcast a year ago and why I am inspired is because she started it with a group of women and NONE of them had any experience. ZERO. They just did it from a room above Mel’s garage and in one year, they are now in the top ten podcasts on Apple and Spotify. Be still my beating heart! Like legwarmers, maybe our dreams are timeless too. She is the proof that it is never too late to start. 

The recent theme of her podcast has been about setting goals. She asks what do we want more of in our life and what do we want less of? She asks us to reverse engineer how we see our life and think about standing at the end and looking back. What is missing? What do we wish we had more of? As a start, she suggests we go through our 2023 camera roll and remember what felt joyful, fun, uplifting as well as reflecting on what was hard and we wish we could delete.  Reviewing the closet is a good first step before a big purge. 

Mel’s next piece of advise is asking WHY and then HOW. She suggests that if your goal doesn’t have a strong WHY then it’s likely you won’t follow through. Right now I am taking classes at a Simon Fraser University. My goal is to get a degree and my WHY is because I don’t want to get to the end of the yellow brick road and regret that I didn’t do it. I want the letters, the success and I want to complete something I know I am capable of. The HOW is mapping out the courses I need, cite work experience that could be in lieu of course credits and then start. It’s one course at a time. 

WHY do I want this?

HOW will I accomplish this?

It’s not going to be fast but my WHY is strong enough to keep me motivated. To take this on and do it well, I need to make room in my schedule. I have to purge commitments that will otherwise distract me from achieving my goal. My WHY is my north star and not even wolves, chocolate cake, Netflix or otherwise can push my off track. I also know HOW to accomplish this. I used to only ever have one line goals and sure, while checking off “get up”, “have shower” and “get dressed” were easy to cross off, it was the harder goals that tended to stay on the list. Get a degree. Left on its own, it seemed daunting. Mapping out the HOW is making it realistic. Game changer. 

Skinny jeans no longer fit me and either do other parts of my life. I have outgrown things. It’s time to purge and find what does fit. To quote Mel Robbins, “stop watering dead plants“. Agree. So what’s next?

If you have been following this blog, you know that I am a HUGE Ted Lasso fan. Every character has so much to offer. Today I want to shine a light on Keeley Jones. She is the character that played a little shallow until she met Rebecca who encouraged her to roar. Rebecca is strong (and tall!). There is an episode where Rebecca showed Keeley what it was to stand in her own power. And in seeing this, Keeley says “Fuck, you’re amazing. Let’s invade France“. 

I want to invade France! I wonder what you wear to an invasion? I am pretty sure I am going to need new sunglasses.

There it is friends. Life is change. It’s knowing what to keep, what to thrift and what to hold onto because it brings feelings of joy. Sometimes we have to squeeze into things because it’s what needed for a night but we don’t have to suffer life asphyxiation or keep watering dead plants. 

For 2024, here’s to the invasion!

With love and care and the belief that good things are coming….

Shelley

“You’ve got to stop watering dead plants” is a metaphorical way of saying that it’s important to let go of things that are no longer serving us, whether it’s relationships, habits, or even ideas. Find your bloom!